Sexy Legs Under The Table

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.Beer drunk ShitThis happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.The Frightened TurtleThe kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back inThe Bungee ShitThe kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.The Ring of Fire ShitThe kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.The CripplerThe kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.The Big BobberThe kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.The Shitty Shitty Bang BangThe kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic. " She reached into her night table drawer and pulled out a wrapped box. It looked about the size of a Whitman's Sampler - those chocolates you get at the drug store for Valentine's Day.It was wrapped like a birthday present. I looked at the wrapping paper, trying to figure out what it was. There were symbols of different kinds. A six sided star, a top, a candle holder with three candles. I realized they were all Jewish. There was a phrase repeated several times on the paper - "Now That You're a Man." I looked at Mom questioningly."I know. We're not Jewish. It's meant for a boy's Bar Mitzfah. But it was as close as I could get to what I wanted. Go ahead. Open it up."I tore off the paper. The box had a picture of a Greek soldier on a horse, the word "Trojan" in big letters and a word I'd never seen - "prophylactics". It also had a quantity - eight dozen."Thanks, Mom. What is it?" Oh, you poor thing. Haven't you ever heard of rubbers?"I think my face turned red. I thought how funny it.
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